Just one example of how my inner-voice made me fail. (Can anyone out there relate?)

I created this video to…

…show you one example of what went on in my head for much of my life.

…tell you the one thing my 800+ interviewees don’t know how to talk about.

…invite you to a private phone call if you need my help.

I got past this, or else I wouldn’t be able to talk to you today, but can you relate to any of this? Want to talk on the phone about what’s going on with you? Tell me below, but do it now because I have only 5 call spots available.

So do you want to talk on the phone?

How do I reach you?

Fill out my online form.

  • http://30x1.com/ Bryan Harris

    Loved the video! Honest, sincere and real. Maybe one of your most effective videos I’ve seen

  • jefftan

    Since I’m not in the states, I think I’m not eligible huh.
    Hope those lucky 5 got away with the best experience ever!
    Salute to you Andrew, your sincerity in help your members success is through the roof!

  • http://mixergy.com Andrew Warner

    You’re absolutely eligible.

    For anyone out of the US, I’d be happy to talk on Skype or foot the bill for the long distance call.

    The only restriction is that I can’t possibly to talk to every single person, so if you’re into it, jump in quickly.

  • http://mixergy.com Andrew Warner

    Thanks.

    I was trying to talk into the camera to think through my ideas so I could turn them into a text-based post. When I was done, I decided that editing or redoing it to make me sound good would go against what I’m trying to do.

  • Carlos

    Andrew the problem is you’re looking for entrepreneurs who already have obtained success and you want them to talk about their insecurity and fears. That would be considered a weakness if they open up. If anything, they will only want to reinforce their image of success to their co-workers, employees, investors, board members, etc. In order to obtain that type of dialogue you need to speak to those who are in the early stages of a venture. Those who are still struggling to obtain success and can candidly speak about the challenges they are facing because there is a benefit in that process. Their stories could inspire others to invest or join them on their journey. So it’s a branding mixture you need to create. On one hand have interviews with those who are successful and if they don’t want to open up about their past weaknesses, then find areas they will open up on. Then on the other hand, find startups or those in the beginning stages who are more candid and willing to disclose their fears of failure, etc. That would be my suggestion. Great show, I watch every week.

  • http://mixergy.com Andrew Warner

    Carlos, you could be right about successful founders not wanting to show weakness, but I think on Mixergy they’re willing to open up about it.

    Look at all the founders who revealed their failures here, which can be more embarrassing than inner worries.

    I recently had a founder on who didn’t even list his failed company on LinkedIn, but because of a conversation I had with one of his employees, I found out about it. I asked him to spend an hour on Mixergy talking about that failure and he did because he believed in this site’s mission.

  • Carlos

    Andrew, I agree that you will find some that are willing to open up. But an example is your most recent interview where Sam Yagan who referred to you as Dr. Phil when you pushed further. He did it as a joke while giving you push back. I think pride, ego, and a protection of current image is important to many simply because they are still in the game. So there is no “standard” interview on mixergy when you apply these probing questions to those who are successful, because much depends on there current position today. Yet, if you go to the small/mid market startup, your more likely to obtain true stories of fears and failures because they are right in the fire (as we speak, living it today). That’s all I am suggesting.

  • http://profiles.google.com/dennisgorelik Dennis Gorelik

    Here we go: insecurity about not being in the United States.

  • http://profiles.google.com/dennisgorelik Dennis Gorelik

    Entrepreneur’s insecurities are contributing factor, but not among the top factors defining business success (persistence, intelligence, luck).
    So while analyzing insecurities is useful, I would not expect revolutionary breakthrough here.

  • Martin S.

    I just shared some of my most private thoughts with a random person on the Internet. There’s nothing that could possibly be construed as weird about that.

    Joke aside, love the openness. You reminded me a little of JT Eberhard, who gave a really powerful talk a year or so ago about his experiences with mental illness, which some might call a weakness, even though I don’t think it is. Tbh, I strongly prefer these kinds of honest, rough talks over the slick and refined Toastmasters’.

  • Kyle Patrick

    We all have a unique potential to be amazing, but most of us also have a common weakness. lack of self-confidence. Most of the people who get ahead in the business world aren’t necessarily smart, but gutsy, daring, and committed.

  • Jeff Williams

    My late father-in-law told me once he used to worry all the time that someone was going to come into his office and say, “The game’s up. We found out you aren’t really qualified to do this job.” And he was the head of the International Standards Organization in Geneva. So, I think the fear runs pretty deep. And I agree that recognizing it is a fantastic step.

  • http://www.facebook.com/michael.ld.hurd Michael Hurd

    Thanks for the honesty. Ironically, today I was glad as a Toastmaster club president to chicken out of the speech contest tomorrow only to find out someone else has chickened out and in order to be fair to my club and give the semblance of a competition I better get up there and give a speech.

    My inner negative talk has sabotaged me in the past and still manages to trip me up. In my past business in mortgages/insurance by not being able to fake the cocky attitude I did not get the sales. I knew the hows and as a natural researcher I can learn all the hows, it’s the execution that continues to trip me up. And sometimes when I want to speak it’s almost as if a muzzle has been lashed around my tongue causing me to stutter.

    Andrew, I’ve been following you for about a year and very much enjoyed your training sessions that you did with David Garland. Thank you for the interviews and for demystifying what it takes to be an ambitious upstart.

  • Rob Rawson

    I can tell you right now about my insecurities that I had and still have. Mostly they were around making sales calls, or actually ANY phone call. So I’m actually a successful guy financially, made a few million dollars but I don’t have total confidence in making phone calls. Actually all of the businesses that I have been successful with did not require a whole lot of phone calls.

    In the beginning I totally failed at several businesses because I did not have the confidence to approach people on the phone. I remember trying to make phone calls to potential clients when I had a marketing consulting business many years ago and basically I chickened out. I had the idea to interview dozens of successful entrepreneurs and put it into a book (like you’re doing Andrew except this was many years ago), and I called one guy, got through to him, but then I chickened out from doing any more.

    Even today I had two phone calls I was supposed to do in the morning. Admittedly I didn’t really want to do them anyway as they were related to legal and investment issues and not excited about the whole situation, but I was a little nervous about making them and I procrastinated until tomorrow (supposedly) to make those two calls.

    I have overcome this fear to a large extent and if the phone calls are critical to my mission in business I will do them, but I still have fear in making them.

    I’ve also kind of adjusted to it as I said by running businesses that do not require personal contact (software and online marketing businesses)

  • Gabe Pavel

    Nice honest post, Andrew.

  • http://mixergy.com Andrew Warner

    Wow, I didn’t think someone in your position would be so open. When you say, “basically I chickened out,” I’m curious about what thoughts went through your head.

    Sometimes I create disaster scenarios in my head, and I can tell you in detail what I imagine will happen. Other times it’s a fuzzier feeling that something will go wrong. And then there are times when I don’t give it any thought at all. There’s so much pain, that I just ignore the topic.

  • http://mixergy.com Andrew Warner

    This is exactly the kind of thought process that I want to examine. What’s especially helpful is that you’re aware of the process you go through.

    Thank you for being open about it here. It’s been 6 hours since you posted that comment. You have tons of time to worry about being ‘too exposed’ and delete this comment. I appreciate that you didn’t.

    I believe confronting that negative voice will help you — and me — overcome it.

  • http://mixergy.com Andrew Warner

    I’m surprised that tangible evidence of our place in life isn’t proof enough for our inner-voice.

  • http://mixergy.com Andrew Warner

    You’re saying that the bigger breakthroughs will happen if we talk about how to be more persistent & intelligent & lucky?

    I’m up for doing that. I’ll still do it in the interviews, but there’s an ingredient that I haven’t been able to include before. I want to try talking about it.

  • http://mixergy.com Andrew Warner

    I’m going to do this privately at first, only with people who trust me.

    I’m not sure what will happen next.

    Maybe I’ll do interview, or maybe it won’t be appropriate to do that. Maybe I’ll talk about what I learn and hide people’s names. Or maybe I’ll just know how to ask better questions of the founders I interview and know how to get them to talk about it. I don’t know.

  • http://mixergy.com Andrew Warner

    You know, Dennis, that’s an important one.

  • Martin S.

    I’m sure the actual interactions will lead you in the right direction. Some of your private interviewees might want to share their experiences with the world, others might want to delay their first time on Mixergy until they’ve reached a certain threshold of success, some might shun publicity altogether.

  • Rob Rawson

    I’m not sure I know what goes through my head. It’s more of a deep seated fear. There are a few tricks I use to overcome it:
    1. Practice a deeper tone of voice. Subconsciously we are programmed to think that the person with the deeper tone of voice has more authority.
    2. Speak more slowly
    3. Some public speaking that I did helped.
    4. I think success does help. Hiring employees helped – I don’t have fear chatting with my team!

    Probably the biggest factor is just time and experience. I did try to make a lot of sales calls to overcome my fear of calling, for example I tried working at a call center doing sales, but it was too difficult. I just found it stressful and didn’t find that it overcame my fear of rejection. I think if I actually did it for a few months it would have helped.

  • Martin S.

    Ha, I described pretty much the same problem to Andrew. Do you think your phone-phobia will hold you back in future ventures? I know a fairly successful guy who just has his associates take care of calls and automates the rest. This seems like a sensible approach, focusing on strengths over weaknesses and all, but it does seem kinda strange to not be fully in control of that part of your life.

  • Martin S.

    “There’s so much pain, that I just ignore the topic.”

    Dang, that hit close to home.

  • http://profiles.google.com/dennisgorelik Dennis Gorelik

    Yes: talking more about how to stick with business (persistence) would lead to bigger breakthroughs.
    You already talk about persistence in your interviews.
    You also already talk about internal fear in many of your interviews.

    It would probably help if when summarizing entrepreneurs’ stories you label elements of these stories as “persistence” / “increasing team intelligence” / “increasing luck” / “overcoming fear”.

  • Brandi Young

    I think the issue may be that a lot of our “chatter” is directly tied to someone or something very personal and painful. People don’t want to relive that pain – especially in front of an audience.

    I have two examples…

    When I was in high school, I was ahead academically so the classes I took were considered “hard” for my age. I remember bringing home a report card I was incredibly proud of – it had six A’s and one B. When I showed my dad there were no congratulations, no smiles. He simply pointed to the B and asked, “What happened here?”

    My life-long take-away… Even when you bust your ass and are *certain* you’ve done an amazing job – it’s not good enough.

    Also…

    Years ago I launched a website where book authors were invited to post a graphical representation of their book on my virtual bookshelf. Man I went all out. It was, by far, one of the coolest things I’d built. When I finished, I tried to reach out to someone in the “published author” world to get some advice on how to reach authors that may be interested. (Lean Startup wasn’t a thing back then)

    Rather than help – or even decline to help – this person criticized my offering and very publicly ridiculed it – and me. They and their *large* audience spent days commenting viciously about the whole thing. I felt small, stupid, etc.

    This reinforced the previous take-away mentioned above and added a new life-long take-away… Never reach out blindly to strangers online.

    I can talk about all that now because specific things have happened since then that have made them MUCH less painful. So, when you ask successful people to talk about these things, you gotta look for the stuff they’ve resolved internally – not just worked-around externally. (Hope that made sense.)

    How’s this? You could ask, “Is there anything you consider silly now (read: “gotten over emotionally”) that happened when you were just starting out that slapped you so hard you started doubting yourself?” Followup question, “So that the listeners can recognize that in themselves, what did going through that sound like in your head? What kinds of things did you say to yourself that you’d now consider ridiculous.”

  • http://www.linkedin.com/in/sholaabidoye/ Shola Abidoye

    For the LOVE OF GOD! Please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please (do I have your attention yet) pick up Dr. Robert Maurer’s Book & Audio “The Kaizen Way: One Small Step Can Change Your Life”. I have obliterated almost all fear I have about discussing my fears and insecurities based on his teachings. How and why? SCIENCE. Dr. Maurer discusses how this kind of fear is nothing more than natural reactions of the mid-brain that are a result of evolution. In other words, whenever we embark upon something that is seen as unfamiliar, the brain is hard-wired to get our physiology to create the kind of emotions that lead to: procrastination, doubt, fear. The way Dr. Maurer expains it is like this. Hundreds of thousands (millions) of years ago, when we were running around in caves, it wasn’t safe to walk around a corner or a part of the jungle where dangerous beasts of prey were. Therefore, to actually keep us safe, through the miracle of evolution, the brain became hardwired to prevent us from doing anything unfamiliar – because that was dangerous. Humans share basically the same brain as monkeys – minus the cortex. The cortex is the only part of the brain that develops a good 5+years AFTER we are born. Ever notice how kids are not afraid to say what’s on their minds, try new things, fall and get back up? These are the same characteristics of successful entrepreneurs. But it gets deeper. The evolution of the brain explains this. When we call out our fears, it’s almost like we are snapping out of a brain hypnosis. In other words, when we are thinking irrationally or feeling fear, access to the neo-cortex is cut off. Ever feel yourself panicking about something (ex. “people won’t like this SaaS app why should I even put up a landing page?!”). Then you “snap” out of it; that was your amygdala at work. But when you call it out (verbally acknowledge the fear) – your “advanced” rational brain gets back in the driver’s seat. Dr. Maurer has studied many successful people in business, sports and the arts. Time after time he recognized something curious: that these peak performers consistently “called out” their fear. Many of them gave it a name. By acknowledging it, it’s as if they were throwing light on the boogie man. Once I really “got” that my fears weren’t just me being silly or made me look less-than-competent – but rather something that naturally occurs anytime I embark on a new, more ambitious goals – things really started taking off. Now I regularly say to friends and business partners “wow I’m feeling some fear about doing such and such – wow, this is going to work, that’s my Lizard brain kicking in!!” (Seth Godin’s term). I’m just dropping this comment because I’m on a mission to share the “science behind entrepreneurial fear” with as many of my fellow risk-taking entrepreneurs as possible. Because understanding how something works, helps to remove the feeling that its just “you”. Once we understand that fear is just the natural neurological result of stepping out of a comfort zone (whatever it is) – the boogie man isn’t so scary. Here are some links to Dr. Maurer’s work and his Youtube videos. I recommend the audio book. Great post, Andrew! (PS….I’m not affiliated with the guy in any way). http://www.amazon.com/Small-Step-Change-Your-Life/dp/0761129235 http://www.amazon.com/Small-Step-Change-Your-Life/dp/B000LXV9ME
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wWUDV6xJRPc

    PPS – I’m playing it forward with this comment. A while ago, I happened to be scanning an article on Oprah.com. Someone mentioned this book in the comments section (yes I lie to get my geek on far too much and read too many user generated comments,lol). Fast forward today: I have never looked back since! Myself and my P3 partners (peak performance partners) live and die by this stuff. We even have accountability calls were we discuss what we are feeling fearful about and get each other to call out the fear (note: Dr. Maurer talks about the importance of forming groups to help each other call out and slay fear. In his research, the world’s most successful people see admitting their fear and asking for help as a sign of strength not weakness.)

    “Boldness has genius power and magic in it” – Goethe

  • http://profiles.google.com/dennisgorelik Dennis Gorelik

    I think that “published author” made you a favor: he promoted your web site to his audience and gave you directions to improve.

    Have you listened to Tym Sykes interviews?
    He intentionally tries to provoke his critics to get publicity.
    http://mixergy.com/tim-sykes-interview/

  • http://profiles.google.com/dennisgorelik Dennis Gorelik

    In what sense “being in the US is important”?

    It’s easier to start profitable business in 2nd and 3rd world countries in comparison with the US (due to limited competition from other businesses).

    It’s harder to stay safe and keep that business though. That’s the main reason for limited competition from other businesses that I mentioned above.

  • Brandi Young

    I got a few minutes into it but frankly, he turns me off. I like the message (what little of it I heard) but listening to him is painful. He seems so manufactured/phony I can’t do it for long. Tell me a minute-mark where he sheds that facade and I’ll consider watching from there forward.

  • http://www.writerviews.com Michael Alexis

    I have a fear of going “all in”.

    i.e., instead of “building a business”, I…

    start a business AND

    get a full-time job ready for backup AND

    freelance for extra money AND

    keep working at other interests and hobbies AND…

    I justify it all with the title “mitigated risk”. The result is that I haven’t been successful with the one big goal – a business I’m proud of (another result is that I’m exhausted all the time). I think having some on-going support, e.g., flexible freelance income, is important when you start, but when I smother out the “big goal” with multiple other efforts, I fail. And I fail small, it’s not like I’m going out in a blaze of glory.

    And yet even though I know I do well when I focus, my mind is still wired for diversity and “safety”.

    Here’s a specific example of how this has played out:

    When I finished school in 2011, I took a year off. You and I had a number of chats where I talked about what I wanted to achieve (e-commerce business), and then I didn’t do it. I’m still embarrassed about that – both for my own lack of follow through, and fears that I wasted your time. Instead, I took on multiple small projects and got distracted by what I consider little victories. e.g, signing up with a top law firm, a modest following for WriterViews, working w/ Ramit, learning Chinese, and helping my friends open a restaurant. I won’t downplay any of that – I’m proud of each point and I’ve grown a lot. But I still failed.

    A last point is that “failure” for me really involves little risk. i.e., IF I fail, so what? I don’t have any dependents, and it would take me a few months to recover and get back to “comfortable”.

    Would love to here from others in the Mixergy community that have overcome their need for safety and took a “risk”.


    Michael

  • jefftan

    First of, though Andrew is going to use phone call only, so the first thing come up my mind is the country.

    2nd, if want to talk about insecurity, it is not insecurity of not being in United State, but insecurity of not being successful enough. Since Andrew is a successful person, he interviewed many successful persons, so I’ll be thinking, wow, Andrew always talking to successful person, and I might only waste his time if I ever attempt to have phone conversation with him.

  • jefftan

    thanks Andrew. It’s ok

  • Mitesh

    Andrew,

    My inner-voice always seem to make me depressed, then I go and do something else and abandon the project I’m currently working on. Has happened multiple times to me, no wonder I left school with no qualifications.

    So for the past few months I have been working on a information product (Kindle eBook) and I’ve written at least 14,000 words. My idea was to start a small project which would teach me entrepreneurship. So I’ve validated and tested my idea, there does seem to be demand for the subject but sometimes I just think who is going to buy this product?

    I’m just wasting my time writing this eBook? Your such a failure and you’ll never amount to anything and then I regret not studying harder at school (I wouldn’t working in this supermarket as a cleaner if I applied myself at school). To be honest, I’ve had a lot of false starts with trying to get started with a career. All manner of thoughts seem to crop up out of nowhere.

    But I have noticed that whilst I am working on this project I actually do enjoy working for myself and the thought of creating a product from an idea really excites me. At the minute I don’t know if these signs are pointing to a career in entrepreneurship but I think only time will tell.

    But seeing this post just makes me more determined to succeed. Now I just want to push through and complete this eBook regardless of how I feel. So starting today it doesn’t matter how I feel, I will turn up and write a chapter a day until it’s finished.

  • gary

    Andrew this is yet another moment in a string of syncronistic moments for me. If you were here dude I would give you the biggest man hug possible. Thank you for doing this and speaking on this subject. As entrepreneurs, starters, what ever label applies, we endure such pain alone in our pursuit of the thing that makes us happy.

    I have attained the mba, read the books, watched the videos/listened to pod-casts attended the seminars, etc., and though I have seen some success from doing those things, there are still moments of doubt and self sabotage. I’ve watched and read Seth’s book related to the lizard brain, and continue to fight the destructive self chatter. I have researched the shit out of a number of business ideas, gotten to the stage of launching the websites, but in the end allowed them to fade because I talked myself out of them. Up until Dec 2012, I was much like MAlexis I had one foot in the world of entrepreneurship and the other in the world a 9-5. I have since taken the leap and planted both feet into the world of independence.

    One example of a project I started, was a website that would showcase interviews and products of independent mobile app developers. I scoured the internet for sites that were doing this and nothing remotely close to what I had in mind was found. So i did my research, built a customer or visitor profile, generated a series of questions and quickly put together a site. The site contained various news stories about mobile platforms (borrowed from popular blogs and news outlets), then i thought well I need to show or offer some product, so I began looking for a mobile app reseller service. That quickly led no where, so I began looking for developers to interview. I would attend meetups and occasionally some of the popular forums, but would not follow up on the folks that i met. The self chatter would go something like this: what do you really know about programming? why would these people want to speak to you? If this is such a great idea, how come no one else has jumped on it? how is this going to make money? when do you have time to do all the work involved for this to work? and on and on…

    I’ve begun to take notice of when the chatter begins and force myself to stop, but every once in a while that hamster takes on the wheel and gets the best of me. Appreciate you brother and thanks.

  • gary

    super advice, will certainly look into Dr. Maurer’s book

  • http://mixergy.com Andrew Warner

    Michael, I didn’t realize you were going through all this.

    What I’m curious about is what goes on in your head. When I went up on stage to give the talk I described above, I had an image of the woman who I hired to coach me. In my mental scenario she was shaking her head and saying, “this guy never had it. I was just working with him because he paid me, but I could never penetrate his thick skull.”

    It was a very involved vision, but it went through my head in a flash, so at the time I didn’t notice it was going on.

    Do you have that?

    If you do, can I call you on Monday to hear them?

  • http://mixergy.com Andrew Warner

    Okay. I sent the first chapters to my Kindle.

    What I’m curious about though is what people see in their mind’s eye and what chatter they hear.

    A suggestion is helpful, but I’m more curious about personal experiences, the ones we’re afraid to talk about.

  • http://mixergy.com Andrew Warner

    I know what you mean.

    But there was a time when founders wouldn’t talk about their failures. Look at the A&E Biography of Ted Turner where he boasted that he had no real failures in his life.

    Today, it’s common to talk about this. Look at Ted’s interview with 60 Minutes where he talked about how he made a mistake in the AOL deal and how it crushed his finances.

    I want to go a lever deeper. My dream is to have Ted Turner (or someone of his success level) talk to me about the day he didn’t want to get out of bed and ridiculed himself for being a failure. I want to know what went on in his head, and (because this isn’t daytime talk) I want to understand how he overcame it.

    This about that!

  • http://mixergy.com Andrew Warner

    Are you willing to talk in private about this?

    I want to hear more from you.

    You seem to be more aware of what’s happening in your mind than most people. I think I can see my own experiences better if you talk about yours.

  • Brandi Young

    Sure, but I’m a little unclear on what your end goal is. If a candid conversation can give you insight that will help you shape your future interviews, count me in, but I think it’s only fair to tell you up front that I have no interest in moving our private chat into something more public.

    DM me via twitter (@NicheDiver) or, if Disqus gives you access to my email, feel free to reach me that way.

  • Brandi Young

    “Sometimes I create disaster scenarios in my head”

    Same here, but do you ever play them out until the end? Try playing the “then what” game ( http://thehomeostaticmindset.wordpress.com/2012/11/02/and-then-what/ ) to help you get to a laughing point. It doesn’t always work, but it can be really helpful when you are being irrational and just don’t know it.

  • Kim Mohiuddin

    My clients are high-level executives and entrepreneurs who are in some kind of career or business transition. Almost without exception, they doubt themselves. This came as a surprise and relief to me. I was able to embrace and diffuse my own self-doubt thoughts by saying, “If that CEO making an $800K salary has doubts, then I’m in good company.”

    The benefit of this kind of sharing is just to realize that this is totally normal and does not mean we’re on the wrong path. Just the opposite. Think of all the stories we’ve heard of famous people who still throw up before they go on stage.

  • http://www.smartbusinessrevolution.com/ John Corcoran

    Hey Andrew:

    Great video. I think you are at your best when you are the most open and honest.

    And although you and I agree on interview strategy – that the interviewer should not be talking about him or herself too much during the interview – I think there’s great value when you open up and talk honestly about insecurities, doubts, etc. And quite honestly, it’s more interesting when other entrepreneurs are willing to be open and discuss their own doubts.

    That’s why people watch interviewers like Oprah, Barbara Walters, etc. Because they get people to open up.

    My fear is in trying to do something new and different that I am giving up the known for the unknown. What if it fails? What if the strategy is a waste of time? Does it make sense to reach for a “bird in the bush” when I have a “bird in the hand?” I’ve been doing fairly well in my law practice, but it’s very limiting. I may be working for myself, but I am still trading hours for dollars on a one-to-one basis, which is not scaleable. That’s why I’ve worked to broaden my reach – to share my expertise and elevate my profile. I don’t know where it will go, and it takes time away from revenue generation, which believe me has not been popular with certain family members who question the wisdom of this strategy. It’s incredibly difficult to build a new business when you have personal self-doubt combined with more vocal familial doubt and/or criticism.

    Another fear for me is in verbalizing doubts, given my profession. It’s one thing for a founder or an entrepreneur to vocalize self-doubt, but people expect lawyers to have all the answers. They expect confidence and self-assurance. They expect wisdom. This is one of the reasons lawyers as a profession have one of the highest rates of depression and alcoholism. I wasn’t always a lawyer so I struggle with fitting into that box. I have written on my blog about my own self-doubt and failures, but I can’t say in all honesty I have been as candid as I could have. Something still holds me back.

    I’m not saying that it’s more OK for founders or entrepreneurs to vocalize self-doubt; I’m just pointing out that it’s a fear I have. However, I believe in giving others the benefit of the doubt, and I believe those who would judge me in the future based upon my having candidly shared some self-doubt and some past failures would take a more nuanced view of me and respect what value I do have to offer.

    I agree that when you vocalize your doubts, you may find they sound silly or unreasonable. It’s helpful to speak these concerns aloud because only then can you work past them. That’s why therapy and groups can be helpful. So I’d love to chat more about it.

  • http://mixergy.com Andrew Warner

    IT’LL BE PRIVATE.

    I’ll email you now.

  • Brandi Young

    Nothing yet… does this mean I get to give you shit (Yagan-style) about email too?

  • http://mixergy.com Andrew Warner

    Sure. It seemed to work when he did it. My 90’s html is gone ;)

    Sorry about the delay. My calendar booked up faster than I expected. I’ll email you now.

  • http://www.galinabelyaeva.com/ Galina Belyaeva

    I think that we focus too much on “public speaking” skill itself. I’m a big fan of David Garland and I learned from watching him that the most important thing is the topic. I don’t care if the host mumbles or there is a funny moment (actually it makes it more genuine) as long as they talk about important things. In fact I think that it’s harder for the audience to relate to perfect people.

    My fear is that I’m not a native English speaker, but my audience and guests are.

    Andrew, I heard from your interview with David (Create Awesome Interviews) that you are insecure about certain things. It’s funny because I think you are seriously underestimating yourself!

  • http://twitter.com/NYBookEditors NY Book Editors

    Andrew, where’s the link you mentioned? The book you read before that first speech at Toastmasters.

  • http://mixergy.com Andrew Warner

    Sorry. I thought I said it later in the interview, when I remembered his name.

    It was a tape series by Darren LaCroix. I don’t remember which package I got, but it was based on how he won the Toastmaster’s speech competition.

  • http://twitter.com/groneg Al Davies

    Late to the party. Just found out about this page. Rehearsing helps me a lot. Write down your main bullets and rehearse what you’re going to say. Also standing and moving around when i talk on the phone helps as well.

    My issue is the feeling of loss of control. “What if I’m asked a question I can’t answer…what if what if…” Rehearsing allows me to get a gameplan together as well as satisfy the need for control.

  • http://www.facebook.com/artmuseums Aladine Vargas

    Michael I totally feel you. I too have small victories, but I have not committed / gone all in as you said! It’s shameful. I should be so much further ahead – but I got trapped in baby-steps. I’m not a damn baby. I want to take MAN steps. Hell I want to leap – like an astronaut step! I want to take giant steps!!!

    When reading your post – I hear you pointing to “comfort, safety and risk.”

    Check this book / audiobook out. It called the “The Top 10 Distinctions Between Millionaires and the Middle Class”

    It says the very poor and poor seeks survival — the middle income seeks comfort — rich and very rich seeks freedom.

    The one that changed my life – was understanding how the very poor, poor, middle income, rich and very rich think about time. WOW!!!!

    I bring this up – but it sounds to me if your mind could see 10 years from now … you may see “dependents” :) – a wife and kids. Than that will help you think differently. Something that separates humans form the apes – is our ablitly to think and plan ahead – a day – a week – a month – a year – a decade —– a generation? maybe even 20 generations??

    It’s a great book for middle class people to see clearly the mind it takes to move forward.

    http://www.audible.com/pd/ref=sr_1_2?asin=B002V8MZIO&qid=1363409973&sr=1-2

  • http://www.facebook.com/artmuseums Aladine Vargas

    Hey Andrew – what I have been emancipated from while currently working this new found freedom out within me – is over-thinking and how it cages that which would take me to winner!

    I have had some great moments! almost magical – be no real outstanding – success, outside of my art in my early years.

    When I was a kid my brother use to get upset with me because as an artists I would over work my pictures — which lead to there ruin. Now I over think my life to the point of ruin.

    My drawing instructor say you have to make sure the dog is wagging the tail and not the tail wagging the dog. Which is what I came to finally see in myself.

    Now my art it called graceful and elegant because it’s EDITED – refined – NOT over thought – but still very intelligent and well designed. This is what I want my life, family and business to be.

    So what I am activity being conscious of is … the dialog that comes from my head and heart. I have for the time being, determined the following:

    1. My head is my logic – it cages, worries, fears and wants to settle.
    2. My heart is passion – it frees, creates, loves and wants to expand.

    So using this plumline – I quickly discern which part of my mind is executing my existence at the moment. If it’s my head – I at this time – stop it! And internally and intentionally Shhhhhhhh my mind and speak words of encouragement and grant it permission to release or go for want it wants.

    I have some many cool stories on how it’s working out for me. I’ve been doing Zumba – and wow this inner dialog / discernment has been keeping me empowered even in that environment! It can be very intimidating for a man in an aerobics class – especially when he’s the only dude … talk about stressful.

  • http://www.writerviews.com Michael Alexis

    Cool – thanks for the resource. I’ve added it to my next amazon order…

    re: insecurities. Have you found methods to manage/overcome yours? i.e., beyond awareness, what is working for you?


    M

  • http://www.facebook.com/jacobmaxwinkler Jacob Max Winkler

    Dear Andrew,

    Great video!

    I just found out about you and watched only your interview with Sam Ovens and the idea-extraction call of Dane Maxwell.

    I think you’re onto some real richness with this video–that we are strongest when we can share our fears and vulnerabilities with others, either in a private conversation or even more, with a group/publicly.

    As someone who helps people with this area, I strive to model it as well. I would be happy to share a little of my process,, both the limiting and the inspiring.

    Be blessed!

    Jacob

    http://www.glorytothehighest.com

  • http://mixergy.com Andrew Warner

    That’s one of the techniques that I’ve noticed that works well.

  • http://mixergy.com Andrew Warner

    Mitesh, since you’ve been so open here about the negative thoughts, would you consider taking another step?

    Would you make a list here of 5 reasons why you can write this? And tell me how it feels.

  • http://mixergy.com Andrew Warner

    I hadn’t thought of the tone of voice having such an impact.

  • http://mixergy.com Andrew Warner

    Have you ever had a time when rehearsing was a bad thing? Like it was for me in the example above.

    On the other hand, have you ever had a time when you were completely unprepared for a question, but were feeling confident and you answered the question and said to yourself, “Damn. That’s smart. Where did that come from?”

    I wonder if sometimes mindset is more powerful than preparation. And if it is, then how do we figure out how to manage it?

    I don’t know the answer, but I’m curious.

  • http://mixergy.com Andrew Warner

    That approach makes sense.

  • http://mixergy.com Andrew Warner

    Have you ever had a time when your heart made you feel afraid? When it made you feel like no one will love you? Nothing will expand?

  • http://mixergy.com Andrew Warner

    “What if it fails? What if the strategy is a waste of time?”

    I’ve been hearing those statements a lot in my 1-on-1 calls. I can’t wait to solve this.

  • http://mixergy.com Andrew Warner

    PLEASE give me examples.

    When have you noticed that it happens?

    Could you list some specific times?

  • http://mixergy.com Andrew Warner

    Thank you, Gabe!

  • Brandi Young

    This is where the “Then what?” game that I mentioned before comes in. Seriously look into it. Fear can only derail you when you think there is an outcome you cannot handle or overcome.

    As you traverse the “Then what” chain you’ll know when you hit the outcome that is at the root of your inaction. It will be the one you can’t fathom recovering from. (Many times, for me, the troublemaker will have nothing to do directly with the original ‘what if.’)

    At that point it is up to you to dismiss it as ridiculous or acknowledge it and fix it so that you can get back on track. (Obviously not as easy as I am making it sound but effective nonetheless.)

  • http://mixergy.com Andrew Warner

    Thanks.

  • Mitesh

    Andrew, I can write this so openly because:

    1.) I’m allowed to fail, in the start-up journey there is no failure. Every attempt at a creating, building a product is a learning experience unlike the world which deems you as a failure if your stuck in a dead-end job .
    2.) I feel as though we can all learn from one another in this community. I may not have a mentor but I can use the interviews from founders to help me to succeed. It motivates me to complete this eBook.
    3.) I feel as though you hold me accountable, by saying that I’m creating this product you hold me accountable by saying can’t wait to see the finished product.
    4.) I am also learning a lot about myself by participating here in this community especially with the discussions like this one for example.
    5.) I also feel as though its a safe environment as no-one judges or criticizes you but we all help each other by posting helpful and insightful comments.

    Have to say it felt great writing this all out. I think in a way it actually helps to look at yourself and reflect upon questions and answers your trying to understand.