Just one example of how my inner-voice made me fail. (Can anyone out there relate?)

Posted on Mar 5, 2013 - 9:00 AM PST

I created this video to…

…show you one example of what went on in my head for much of my life.

…tell you the one thing my 800+ interviewees don’t know how to talk about.

…invite you to a private phone call if you need my help.

I got past this, or else I wouldn’t be able to talk to you today, but can you relate to any of this? Want to talk on the phone about what’s going on with you? Tell me below, but do it now because I have only 5 call spots available.

So do you want to talk on the phone?

How do I reach you?

Fill out my online form.

  • http://mixergy.com Andrew Warner

    Sorry. I thought I said it later in the interview, when I remembered his name.

    It was a tape series by Darren LaCroix. I don’t remember which package I got, but it was based on how he won the Toastmaster’s speech competition.

  • http://twitter.com/groneg Al Davies

    Late to the party. Just found out about this page. Rehearsing helps me a lot. Write down your main bullets and rehearse what you’re going to say. Also standing and moving around when i talk on the phone helps as well.

    My issue is the feeling of loss of control. “What if I’m asked a question I can’t answer…what if what if…” Rehearsing allows me to get a gameplan together as well as satisfy the need for control.

  • http://www.facebook.com/artmuseums Aladine Vargas

    Michael I totally feel you. I too have small victories, but I have not committed / gone all in as you said! It’s shameful. I should be so much further ahead – but I got trapped in baby-steps. I’m not a damn baby. I want to take MAN steps. Hell I want to leap – like an astronaut step! I want to take giant steps!!!

    When reading your post – I hear you pointing to “comfort, safety and risk.”

    Check this book / audiobook out. It called the “The Top 10 Distinctions Between Millionaires and the Middle Class”

    It says the very poor and poor seeks survival — the middle income seeks comfort — rich and very rich seeks freedom.

    The one that changed my life – was understanding how the very poor, poor, middle income, rich and very rich think about time. WOW!!!!

    I bring this up – but it sounds to me if your mind could see 10 years from now … you may see “dependents” :) – a wife and kids. Than that will help you think differently. Something that separates humans form the apes – is our ablitly to think and plan ahead – a day – a week – a month – a year – a decade —– a generation? maybe even 20 generations??

    It’s a great book for middle class people to see clearly the mind it takes to move forward.

    http://www.audible.com/pd/ref=sr_1_2?asin=B002V8MZIO&qid=1363409973&sr=1-2

  • http://www.facebook.com/artmuseums Aladine Vargas

    Hey Andrew – what I have been emancipated from while currently working this new found freedom out within me – is over-thinking and how it cages that which would take me to winner!

    I have had some great moments! almost magical – be no real outstanding – success, outside of my art in my early years.

    When I was a kid my brother use to get upset with me because as an artists I would over work my pictures — which lead to there ruin. Now I over think my life to the point of ruin.

    My drawing instructor say you have to make sure the dog is wagging the tail and not the tail wagging the dog. Which is what I came to finally see in myself.

    Now my art it called graceful and elegant because it’s EDITED – refined – NOT over thought – but still very intelligent and well designed. This is what I want my life, family and business to be.

    So what I am activity being conscious of is … the dialog that comes from my head and heart. I have for the time being, determined the following:

    1. My head is my logic – it cages, worries, fears and wants to settle.
    2. My heart is passion – it frees, creates, loves and wants to expand.

    So using this plumline – I quickly discern which part of my mind is executing my existence at the moment. If it’s my head – I at this time – stop it! And internally and intentionally Shhhhhhhh my mind and speak words of encouragement and grant it permission to release or go for want it wants.

    I have some many cool stories on how it’s working out for me. I’ve been doing Zumba – and wow this inner dialog / discernment has been keeping me empowered even in that environment! It can be very intimidating for a man in an aerobics class – especially when he’s the only dude … talk about stressful.

  • http://www.writerviews.com Michael Alexis

    Cool – thanks for the resource. I’ve added it to my next amazon order…

    re: insecurities. Have you found methods to manage/overcome yours? i.e., beyond awareness, what is working for you?


    M

  • http://www.facebook.com/jacobmaxwinkler Jacob Max Winkler

    Dear Andrew,

    Great video!

    I just found out about you and watched only your interview with Sam Ovens and the idea-extraction call of Dane Maxwell.

    I think you’re onto some real richness with this video–that we are strongest when we can share our fears and vulnerabilities with others, either in a private conversation or even more, with a group/publicly.

    As someone who helps people with this area, I strive to model it as well. I would be happy to share a little of my process,, both the limiting and the inspiring.

    Be blessed!

    Jacob

    http://www.glorytothehighest.com

  • http://mixergy.com Andrew Warner

    That’s one of the techniques that I’ve noticed that works well.

  • http://mixergy.com Andrew Warner

    Mitesh, since you’ve been so open here about the negative thoughts, would you consider taking another step?

    Would you make a list here of 5 reasons why you can write this? And tell me how it feels.

  • http://mixergy.com Andrew Warner

    I hadn’t thought of the tone of voice having such an impact.

  • http://mixergy.com Andrew Warner

    Have you ever had a time when rehearsing was a bad thing? Like it was for me in the example above.

    On the other hand, have you ever had a time when you were completely unprepared for a question, but were feeling confident and you answered the question and said to yourself, “Damn. That’s smart. Where did that come from?”

    I wonder if sometimes mindset is more powerful than preparation. And if it is, then how do we figure out how to manage it?

    I don’t know the answer, but I’m curious.

  • http://mixergy.com Andrew Warner

    That approach makes sense.

  • http://mixergy.com Andrew Warner

    Have you ever had a time when your heart made you feel afraid? When it made you feel like no one will love you? Nothing will expand?

  • http://mixergy.com Andrew Warner

    “What if it fails? What if the strategy is a waste of time?”

    I’ve been hearing those statements a lot in my 1-on-1 calls. I can’t wait to solve this.

  • http://mixergy.com Andrew Warner

    PLEASE give me examples.

    When have you noticed that it happens?

    Could you list some specific times?

  • http://mixergy.com Andrew Warner

    Thank you, Gabe!

  • Brandi Young

    This is where the “Then what?” game that I mentioned before comes in. Seriously look into it. Fear can only derail you when you think there is an outcome you cannot handle or overcome.

    As you traverse the “Then what” chain you’ll know when you hit the outcome that is at the root of your inaction. It will be the one you can’t fathom recovering from. (Many times, for me, the troublemaker will have nothing to do directly with the original ‘what if.’)

    At that point it is up to you to dismiss it as ridiculous or acknowledge it and fix it so that you can get back on track. (Obviously not as easy as I am making it sound but effective nonetheless.)

  • http://mixergy.com Andrew Warner

    Thanks.

  • Mitesh

    Andrew, I can write this so openly because:

    1.) I’m allowed to fail, in the start-up journey there is no failure. Every attempt at a creating, building a product is a learning experience unlike the world which deems you as a failure if your stuck in a dead-end job .
    2.) I feel as though we can all learn from one another in this community. I may not have a mentor but I can use the interviews from founders to help me to succeed. It motivates me to complete this eBook.
    3.) I feel as though you hold me accountable, by saying that I’m creating this product you hold me accountable by saying can’t wait to see the finished product.
    4.) I am also learning a lot about myself by participating here in this community especially with the discussions like this one for example.
    5.) I also feel as though its a safe environment as no-one judges or criticizes you but we all help each other by posting helpful and insightful comments.

    Have to say it felt great writing this all out. I think in a way it actually helps to look at yourself and reflect upon questions and answers your trying to understand.

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