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This guide is based on Mixergy’s interview with Mark Goulston.

After coaching clients who had trouble managing other people, Mark Goulston wrote a book about how to get people to do what you want. It was all done using psychological techniques, so we invited him to teach you how to do it.

Mark is a psychiatrist, a consultant, a business coach, and is the author of Just Listen, a book that teaches people how to get through to others.

Here are the actionable highlights from the interview.

1. Stay cool in tough situations so you can find a solution to your problems rationally

Mark explained how the CEO of Advanced Medical Optics went from “Oh F— to Okay” when he decided he’d have to pull a product off the shelves.

Take Action:
Go through the “Oh F— to Okay” sequence when you first encounter the problem, instead of panicking: Start with “Oh F—”, the reaction phase; then “Oh Gawd”, the release phase; “Oh Jeez”, the re-center phase; “Oh Well”, the refocus stage, and finally, “Okay”, the re-engaging phase.

2. Listen before you react to prevent misunderstandings, reach a compromise, and find a solution

Mark says an employer can deal with a late employee by asking him why he was late and listening to the explanation instead of yelling at him.

Take Action:
Approach your employees by asking questions in a calm and definitive tone instead of accusing or reprimanding them right away.

3. Empathize with others to build stronger relationships and persuade them to do business with you

Mark noticed a CEO was distracted and offered to reschedule, which led to the CEO opening up and giving Mark his undivided attention during the meeting.

Take Action:
Put yourself in the shoes of others and consider things from their perspective so you can act based on how they might be feeling.

4. Ask questions at conferences to distinguish yourself and lay the groundwork to connect with the presenters later

After Staples founder Tom Stemberg gave a talk, Mark distinguished himself by asking the first question and was able to follow up with Tom afterwards.

Take Action:
When attending conferences, be the first one to ask a question, either by contacting the speaker’s assistant to see if the speaker wants a specific question asked or by formulating your own.

5. Make people feel valued so you can forge stronger relationships and create a better working environment

Mark advised speaking this way to people who interrupt you: “This is much too important for me to give you less than my undivided attention. And I can’t give you my undivided attention because I have to take care of a few things…”

Take Action:
When you’re busy and people interrupt you, explain that you want them to wait until you can give them your full attention because they’re important to you.

6. Act as other people’s confidant so you can connect with them, build trust, and strengthen your relationship

Mark connected with a lung cancer patient who had previously dismissed other psychologists by empathizing and being frank about why the patient needed to unload and talk about his sickness.

Take Action:
Be earnest when you talk with others, maintain eye contact, and stand your ground if they’re being evasive.

Want to make sure you get results?

Watch the full interview now
Written by Hazel Chua, based on production notes by Jeremy Weisz